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by Florence W. Deems

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These are attributed to the lovable cartoon character, Maxine.

::: ::: :::

If you have soimething to say, raise your hand - and place it over your mouth!

You're not yourself today - I noticed the improvement immediately.

You really are as pretty as a picture - I'd like to hang you.

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

(seated at her computer) I keep hitting 'escape' - but I'm still here!

Some people can have all the lights on and still be in the dark.

(seated at her computer) Got hooked up to high speed internet. It crashes a lot faster now.

On Labor Day, if one of my relatives sees a shadow, they all quit working for six weeks!

Even doctors make mistakes. Mine asked me to undress!

I find it helps to organize things into categories: Things I won't do now; Things I won't do later; Things I'll Never Do!

If your friends can accurately guess your age, you need to find dumber friends.

Don't like my attitude? Send me an email at:

Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.

Every thing slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips.

Age doesn't make you forgetful. Having way too many things to remember is what makes you forgetful.

I garden in the nude - it's a lot cheaper than a scarecrow.

The only instant messaging I do is with my middle finger.

If the price of food gets any higher, I'll be setting animal traps out in my back yard.

People who keep their chins up usually don't realize what they're stepping in.

The economy is so bad that Brad and Angelina have fired their nanny and are trying to learn the names of their own children.

When I see people with a lot of tattoos - I figure a little more needling from me won't hurt.

Recycling is nothing new to me. I figure I've been losing and gaining the same 10 pounds for 20 years.

I want to be reincarnated as something that doesn't go through menopause!

Maxine-isms 1 ~ 2 ~ 3 ~ 4 ~ 5

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