I am the mighty Napoleon! All others quaked where I tread. If I wanted the wheel, I got the wheel. The other hamsters cowered in the corners of our home. That's why my human selected me! And why he named me Napoleon! He also bought me a wonderful, very squeaky wheel.
Ah, how many nights I spent exercising inside my wheel! I have no idea, because, as you know, we hamsters don't bother learning to count. No, we just go ahead and do it and enjoy it. I'd heard my human complaining many times that he couldn't get any sleep, due to the constant squeakiness of my wheel. Well, he wasn't very smart! No self-respecting hamster ever sleeps at night. Why my human wanted to, I never could figure out.
But finally, one night he got up and turned on the light. I, of course, was runnng inside my wheel, enjoying the noise and the chance to exercise. 'Bout time my human got up and enjoyed the night, too. He removed the screen top of my tank. I stopped running and stared up at him with my bright beady eyes. Oh NO! He picked up the wheel and unceremoniously dumped me out of it! He removed it and then fastened the screen cover again. Then he turned out the light again and crawled back into bed!
I felt mightily bereft. What was I to do with the rest of the night? Go to sleep? Heck, no! That was out of the question! I sat in a corner and stewed. I resolved revenge.
That opportunity came the following morning. Again my human removed the screen top and reached in to pick me up. He liked to do this and hold me in his lap while he patted me. I hadn't minded this before. But revenge it was--and I BIT his finger! He yelped and tossed me back into my tank. Clunk went the screen top and two more clicks as he fastened the clips. Guess what? He didn't try to pick me up with his bare hands again!
One day not too long after this incident, my human was putting food in the tank and clipping the water bottle onto the top edge. He stuck the screen top back on, but I heard only one clip fall into place. I waited until I was sure he was gone for the day. I stood on top of the oatmeal cylinder in which I usually slept during the day. I gave a strong push with my nose and the screen top moved aside. I can flatten myself and squeeze through the smallest of spaces. So I proceeded to do just that.
Freedom! After I plopped on the floor, the first thing I saw was the space under his closet door. I ran under it and found myslf in the most marvelous mess of papers, clothing, and bits and pieces of goodness only knows what. This mountain of mess was so high I couldn't see the top of it. But I could burrow through it until I came to a back corner. And there I made my nest. That paper was marvelous to tear and chew up into just the right sized pieces. Soon I had myself a very nice fluffy nest.
When my human returned, I heard him exclaim loudly, "Oh no! Napolean got out!" Another human came in and suggested that he'd find me in that messy closet. I sure didn't want to be found again! I huddled in my nest, experiecing fear for the first time in my life! I felt the paper mess shifting all around and above me. But thank goodness, my human decided it was too much trouble to clean out the whole closet. So he put my food in a small bowl and hung the water bottle on the outside of my tank where I could reach it. Whew! Saved!
I did sort of have to change my waking periods around, though. You see, I had to do my eating and drinking in the mornings, after my human left for the day. The water bottle made a clanking noise against the tank when I drank from it. I had to stay in my closet nest for half the night, as he liked to stay up late. I could venture out for the last part of the night. But I had to make sure I was safely closeted by the time he woke up again.
I really missed my exercise wheel, though. So to get exercise, I started exploring. I ventured out of his room and discovered there was a huge set of stairs leading down, down, down. But since they were carpeted, I could easily lower myself down each one. I'd grasp the top of the fuzziness with my front paws and swing my rear end over, then drop to the step below.
But what to do, where to go after I finally reached the bottom? My sensitive nose told me there were some goodies stashed fairly close by. So I followed my nose into the kitchen. The goodies smelled stronger there. I soon found a hole that I could crawl up into--and there were the goodies in a drawer! Cookies, the humans called them. And all MINE! I crawled into an open package and stuffed my cheek pouches full. Then I started for the door and the long trek back up to my closet nest. Not as easy as coming down, I'll tell you. Since it took a long while to accomplish all this, I could make only one cookie foraging trek per night. But for quite a while, I was a very happy camper!
As time went on, I did get bolder. I'd go cookie hunting during the daytime, too. One run in the morning, then another late at night equals twice as many cookies! This is the kind of math that makes sense to us hamsters.
Well, during one of my daytime forages, I was sitting in the cookie drawer happily munching away. Suddenly there was an earthquake! I slid out into the daylight with a human's large face close above me! The human yelled, "Napoleon!" Startled, I dove out of the drawer and hid way back in the corner of the cabinet where the human couldn't reach me. The human took the drawer almost all the way out, but then it got stuck. That saved me. I stayed hidden in that cabinet for the rest of the day and part of the night, before I was sure the human wouldn't find me.
For several days I managed to get down and into the cookie drawer without being detected. But my luck ran out eventually. Again I was in the cookie drawer, half buried inside a cookie box, when the earth quaked, the box tilted up sharply and I crashed to the bottom in among the crumbs. The box lid shut. Trapped! I could feel the rocking and swaying as the human carried me inside the box up the stairs. He dumped me into my old tank and clamped the screen lid on securely.
And that was that! I never had another chance at freedom. The human did take pity on me, though, and let me have my wheel during the daytime. I learned to use it then, in spite of my natural tendencies to sleep during the day and run around at night. I lived out the rest of my days in hamster confinement, although my human did give me a larger tank. But nothing could take the place of being free to roam, to burrow through the mess in the closet, and to climb those mighty stairs and eat all the cookies I desired.
Now that I'm in Hamster Heaven, I know that I'll never come back as a hamster! Nope, I'm going to reincarnate as the REAL Napoleon! Then humans will quake where I tread! I hear he got himself into trouble though. But now that I've had this experience, I'll know how to avoid prison. You see, it's very simple--just stay out of the cookie drawer! |
