Collected by
Florence W. Deems

Credit for this collection: According to, these were first posted on Nov 29, 2008, on which apparently has been taken down. Google also lists several other websites that present these "lessons."

Things Our Mothers Taught Us

1. TO APPRECIATE A JOB: “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. RELIGION: “You’d better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. TIME TRAVEL: “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week.”

4. LOGIC: “Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. MORE LOGIC: “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

6. FORESIGHT: “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. IRONY: “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. OSMOSIS: “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. CONTORTIONISM: “Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. STAMINA: “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. WEATHER: “This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it!”

12. ANTICIPATION: “Just wait until we get home!”

13. RECEIVING: “You’re going to get it when you get home!”

14. MEDICAL SCIENCE: “If you don’t stop crossing you eyes they are going to stick that way.”

15. ESP: “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

16. HUMOR: “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

17. HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT: “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up”

18. GENETICS: “You’re just like your Father!”

19. ROOTS: “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

20. WISDOM: “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”

21. AGRICULTURE: “Money doesn’t grow on trees!”

22. GRATEFULNESS: “Eat your supper, there are kids starving in India.”

23. JUSTICE: “One day you’ll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you!”

24. HAIR STYLING: "If you want curly hair, you'd better eat the crusts on your bread!"

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