Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.
Set timer for 3 minutes in case you doze off in the middle.
Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)
Make sure you put 000 on your speed dial before you begin.
Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.
Use extra Polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.
Have muscle relief drugs ready in case you actually complete the act.
Make all the noise you want; the neighbors are deaf, too.
If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!
Don't even think about trying it twice.