Received via email with the credit removed. This happens more often than not - I'd sure love to credit whoever thought these up.
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?"
The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad."
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?''
The mother replied, "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."
The child thought about this for a moment and then asked, "So why is the groom wearing black?"
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead."
A police recruit was asked during the exam,
"What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"
He answered, "Call for backup."
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why
Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem ..
A small child replied,"'They couldn't get a baby-sitter."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five- and six-year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'Honour thy
father and thy mother,' she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing!