Compiled by Florence W. Deems

Received via email. Photos purportedly of two church signs, one from a Roman Catholic church and the other from a fundamentalist Protestant church right across the street from each other. However, when I looked at the backgrounds of the Catholic church sign photos, they were exactly the same. This tells me that the jokester was skilled at Photoshop alterations. In spite of this messing around with the "Truth", this does not in any way negate the humor.

Roman Catholic (RC): All dogs go to Heaven.

Fundamentalist Protestant (FP): Only humans go to Heaven. Read the Bible.

RC: God loves all His creations, dogs included.

FP: Dogs don't have souls. This is not open for debate.

RC: Catholic dogs go to Heaven. Protestant dogs can talk to their pastor.

FP: Converting to Catholocism does not magically grant your dog a soul.

RC: Free dog souls with conversion!

FP: Dogs are animals. There aren't any rocks in Heaven, either.

RC: All rocks go to Heaven.


The following messages on church signs, however, are for real.

Roman Catholic: Staying in bed and shouting, "Oh God!" does not constitute going to church.

Baptist: God does not believe in atheists. Therefore, atheists do not exist.

Baptist: Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.

United: Free coffee. Everlasting life. Yes, membership does have its benefits.

Baptist: Read the Bible - it will scare the hell out of you!

Baptist: Walmart is not the only saving place.

Assemblies of God: Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Presbyterian: There are some questions that can't be answered by Google.

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